Parenthood by Jamie Ng

It was the night of 26th June, 2004 when my wife Doreen started experience contractions. She was already 38 weeks into her pregnancy and had never experienced contractions prior to this night. We suspected that our little girl whom we had already named Kaylan was going to be born tonight, just as we had “requested” her to.

My wife was hoping that Kaylan would share the same birth date as her, but it was about 11:30pm when we arrived at the KK Women’s hospital, so it was not possible for little Kaylan to arrive before midnight. Both of us were very calm as we had been waiting this moment for many months now. We both were very eager to be parents. I recalled that day about 8 months back when Doreen showed me the pregnancy test stick, it showed positive. We were both excited and relieved at the result, relieved because we knew that not every couple is fortunate enough to be able to have babies without some external help from doctors. We considered ourselves very lucky. Even better yet, Doreen had experienced a very smooth pregnancy, no vomiting and nausea, no feeling of being bloated and no stretch marks even on her tummy, just the usual inconvenience of walking around with the added weight. I was very proud of my wife, she maintained her swimming routine, 10 laps per week all the way to the 37th week of pregnancy.

The contractions were not a false alarm, the water bag broke shortly after we arrived at the hospital and my wife was quickly wheeled into the delivery ward. Time seemed to crawl in the ward as we waited for the time to come when my wife had to start pushing. About three hours later the nurse with us instructed my wife to start pushing. I held Doreen’s hand as she went through the routine. 45 minutes later, I heard the first cries of my baby girl as the doctor held her in his hands. He handed her to the nurses who swiftly cleaned her up and wrapped her in a pink cloth. They then placed her in the plastic cradle. All warm and clean, Kaylan was quiet, but her little eyes were open. I looked at her intently, trying to memorize all her features in that minute before the nurse wheeled her away. The whole experience seemed so unreal. I was a father! What a glorious promotion in life I had just undergone!

It was a tough when we brought back our little bundle of joy. Although we had been eagerly anticipating her arrival, the emotions that we experienced when we first brought her back were anything but joyful. In was stressful in fact. We did not know her and she did not know us. It was like bringing a stranger back home, a little stranger who did not know how to speak. We had to learn to understand her needs; when she was hungry, when her diaper was wet, when she was sleepy, when she was uncomfortable and more. A month passed and we got somewhat used to her by then, parenthood was starting to be enjoyable, finally! We threw a first month celebration for her and invited all of our relatives so that we could show her off to all our extended family. We were very proud parents, and our parents, very proud grandparents!

It’s funny when I recall how we felt as first time parents. If I were to make a comparison, there is no accomplishment that I have experienced thus far that can compare to this simple one, the joy of becoming a parent, the pride, the joy. I believe there is no other accomplishment in the future that will be able to compare to this either. I think life is very fair in this aspect. But parenthood soon became more stressful for us. 4 months later, my wife showed me the pregnancy test stick, positive again. This time we felt at a loss rather than overjoyed. This was not planned. We did not feel prepared to be second time parents so soon.

When we broke the news to our relatives, most of them advised us to keep the child. This is of course the right decision to make, and no doubt the advice most people will give anyhow, however having another baby so soon will be real taxing not only financially, but also emotionally. Many young couples today put off having children altogether, not wanting to limit their freedom. We are already tied down by Kaylan who requires constant attention from us when we come back from work, what more another attention hungry baby? Will we have the energy to take care of 2 babies who will constantly hound us for our attention and love? Having to make such a decision is not merely about doing the “right” thing, the ones bearing all the emotional burden will be us. We scheduled to meet with a doctor to carry out an abortion, this was the first decision that we came to. However on the day itself, my wife told the doctor that she was not going through with it. We had reversed the decision several days before.

Our 2nd child was a boy and I named him Lucian. That’s the good thing about being a parent, I get to choose the baby’s name! He was born 13 months after his elder sister, not very big, but more importantly healthy. The process of bringing a “stranger” home starts all over again. Lucian was not so much a “stranger” to us as Kaylan was as we were now quite experienced. The first few months seemed to pass faster also than when Kaylan was born. Kaylan did show some jealousy when we brought Lucian home, fighting for my wife’s attention when ever she saw her little brother being nursed or carried, fortunately that came to past after a few weeks. We were lucky enough also to get a very good domestic helper who is very experienced with babies. She simply adores our 2 children and has been a great help looking after them day and night.

I guess my aunt was right when she told me months ago that we have to have faith. Life can throw some challenges every now and then, but once we see it through, the challenges won’t seem so daunting after all, and further more help will come unexpectedly at times. We have been coping quite well thus far although we haven’t had a full night’s sleep for over a year now. Our freedom, needless to say is severely limited also by our 2 darlings. Still my wife and I have no regrets, if we could choose to re-live the past all over again, we would still choose to have these 2 beautiful babies with us right now.

Parenthood may be tough, but it makes life worth living. I find my life very meaningful right now because of my 2 children. There are many young couples nowadays who choose not to have children because they are too busy pursuing material possessions and enjoying their freedom. My personal thoughts to them would be this; you have no idea how much joy you are missing out on! Sure, there are plenty of sleepless nights, limited time for ourselves and financial commitments, but that is what makes life interesting! All the money and freedom in the world will not bring joy if there is no meaning, and nothing can be more meaningful than bringing up our own children.